Book Review

I'm Looking Through You by Jennifer Finney Boylan

I found this book when I was looking for books about hauntings. When I read the dust cover, I wasn't sure - it's a memoir by a woman who once was a man, and the man lived in the haunted house from the time he was a boy. I found it

was really interesting. The book moves back in forth from the past to the present, in many cases describing the same event from both perspectives. The transsexual theme was present throughout, but was presented in such a way as the reader felt comfortable with the author in either case.

Brothers

The sad events of the last month+ have caused me to think a lot about my family. Particularly about the family into which I was born. Particularly about the brothers with which I was blessed (or cursed). The three of us experienced various degrees of closeness while we grew up. Poor Scott came along seven years after Mike and I had "bonded," and we didn't make it easy for him to catch up. We have created and shared family jokes. I think we all have a fondness for old family traditions. Mike and Scott share a passion for music and a talent for playing it. Scott has become the family storyteller, and he does it with such wit and accuracy that the rest of us can never argue about how it really was. I fear that I am the "manager" in the crowd, always the bossy big sister.

Now we have now been scattered nearly across the United States, so our times together are few and far between. We exchange weekly e-mails to let each other know what's going on. We exchange cards at birthdays and presents at Christmas. Four years ago we shared (along with our mom and spouses) a magical vacation. And now we share sorrow at the loss of Scott's beloved.

When times have been tough in my own household, both brothers have called or emailed to give me a chance to share. They both start their phone calls the same way: Hey, Kath. How's it going? And they really want to know.

Scott, we love you and will be here to shoulder whatever we can.

Our Beloved Becky

Our Becky has gone to be with the Lord. I have never known another with such a capacity for joy. She was the light of my brother's life and will be sorely missed by all. Our only comfort is in knowing that she waits for us.

I pray for God's comfort for my brother and the rest of Becky's family.

Icicles

I wish my digital camera was working, because I'd love to include a picture of our fountain this morning. The water in the bottom basin had frozen into a little icy pond and there were icicles hanging from the upper bowl. Here in Southern California. It was enough of an event that Jim called me out of bed to see it. The temperature in the backyard (according to John Deere) was 23 degrees at 7:30 a.m.

It was back to work today. Mother has gone to Ohio to be with my brother. Her email says my sister-in-law might be slightly better. We'll just keep praying.

With my Christmas knitting completed, I've started a baby sweater done in a basketweave pattern (a free pattern from the Internet). I'm using a bright yellow yarn from the stash my mother passed on to me. It's a Bernat yarn from many years ago. It's acrylic, but it's soft, pretty and free. I still have the sleeves to finish on my Minimalist Cardigan, but they're about a third of the way done. I'm knitting them both at the same time with the hope that I'll feel like I'm making quicker progress.

Finished both of my current books and am starting I'm Looking Through You by Jennifer Boylan. Death Walked In was okay, but it seemed to drag to its conclusion. I slipped in another book, Knitting, without even listing it. I liked the way the characters interacted in that one, but there were a couple of points I wanted straightened out: who was the hospital cleaner and who took Maggie's bags? Oh, well.

Sunday

The news about my sister-in-law is not encouraging. My mother is flying to be with my brother as things resolve themselves and I'm helpless here wanting to do so much more.

So we needed to get out of the house. The whole gang went to the swap meet to spend a little money. Came home with "Sham-Wows" and got to try them out on a very dirty outdoor table. We also came home with a bag of kettle corn and the kids got to play on giant slides. Then I trimmed roses while the rest of them played rowdy ball games in the back yard. Lots of running and laughing. All in all, it could have been a much worse day. Tomorrow we're all back to our normal routines, which should make the days easier.

I continue to pray.

Beginnings

I'm ready to put New Year's celebrations behind and begin the new year in earnest. Not that our celebrations weren't fun. New Year's Eve was spent at home with friends and neighbors and New Year's night was spent with enjoying fine wine and good company with friends in Pasadena. But now it's time to move forward.

My sister-in-law has been in the hospital since Christmas night. It's hard to be so far away from my brother as he waits and hopes she'll get better. Two emails a day tell us whether or not there's been any progress and he is becoming discouraged. She is still a young woman and I can't help but feel that every day that she does not get worse brings her closer to being well, and I pray I'm right.

Last night was the first night we were able to stay away from home by ourselves since almost two years ago when Rosanne and her babies came back to us. It wasn't easy to leave, and things didn't go perfectly, but they managed without us and it felt so good to be away. It was a huge step!!

This evening the little ones are finally asleep and I'm going to knit and watch "The Duchess," all by myself. What luxury! Tomorrow begins the purging of household messes that I always feel compelled to start after Christmas. A good way to start the year.

Happy New Year!!

I have pointedly tried to avoid making new year's resolutions over the past few years, but this will be a year of change. There are a lot of factors that make the time ripe, and I firmly believe that with some organization and a tool to keep my thoughts on track, I can turn this into a very productive year.

Circumstances of the last couple of years have left me unbalanced and unfocussed. It's time to remember who I am and what is really important to me. Trying to fill the needs of so many around me has left me empty. I know I have no one but myself to blame, but that means that am also responsible for the changes to be made.

There are so many areas where I could begin, but the most important will be the expression of my faith. My church feels far away. It's too much of an effort for me to get out of the house on Sunday morning. And yet in my heart I'm depending on the Lord's plan and his help in getting me through my days. And so my first resolution is to build that relationship I have with Him, knowing that his hand will make the rest of my changes easier. I can make this change by devoting time for prayer, every day. There are people I need to pray for, every day. And a prayer journal will help a lot, if I can just make myself take time for it. So here it is, my commitment to time spent every day.