Yesterday

Christmas just doesn't come without the bittersweet anymore. I've gone back and forth about writing this, but I can't seem to let it alone. Yesterday Matt dropped in on us out of the blue. We knew he was in jail - he was there about a week. We were both pretty much on our way out to work. We gave him food - breakfast and a bag of portable stuff. We gave him money that we'd set aside for his Christmas. We gave him the new shoes his grandma had bought him for Christmas. We let him take a shower and gave him a bag of toiletries. Then Jim drove him to his probation officer and went on his way.

He doesn't seem to have changed. It wrenches my heart to keep him so much on the outside of our lives, but he only brings chaos when we let him in, and now we have small children in the house that don't need to witness it. Matt can make better choices, but I'm afraid those choices won't be available to him too much longer. And he doesn't seem inclined to do one thing differently. He needs or prayers, but I think that's all the support we have for him now.

In the meantime, Jim and I spent the day feeling wounded and wishing there were another way of handling it. The good news, I guess, is that we did handle it and went on with our lives. Thanks for being there, everyone.