For One More Day

Mike, Scott and I missed you a lot this Christmas. (You too, Denny.) We had a few conversations like the ones we had with you in Seattle, this time more holiday-oriented, but every bit as cathartic.

One of the things we said more than once was how nice it would be if we had had the foresight and the maturity to "dig deeper" with family members while we were still lucky enough to have them around. Somehow it feels like so many mysteries would be unlocked with just a little more information.

Along that theme, I just finished listening to an audio recording of Mitch Albom's for one more day. I've avoided his books because they appeared to hold emotional pitfalls, which I avoid religiously. But it wasn't so bad, and although a little maudlin, it did hold an important message for me. It's about a down-and-out man who is trying to end his miserable life when his dead mother appears and they spend one last day together. The end's predictable, but I like it. Maybe you will too.

Have a happy new year, you guys, and I love you all. Let's spend the year cherishing the happy moments.

Merry Christmas to All

It's close to time for the after-Christmas quiet to descend. It's been a hectic day, full of noise, laughter, tears and food. We're all tired and each looking for a way to wind down after the day's excitement. Christmas stories have been read, at is hoped that little eyes will soon close for the night. And it's time to reflect on what kind of Christmas we had. At our house we had much to be grateful for: a bit of healing for Rosanne, some fun evenings with Scott, a couple of chuckling phone calls with Mike, a Christmas dinner like we haven't had in a few years.

The year past has not been an easy one, for more reasons than any of us want to recount. We've had Christmases in the past where we've had sorrow, disappointment, or worry to overcome, but this year has kind of topped them all. But we're strong and not a family to be brought down by life. I love you all, and am grateful for all you give us. Echoing Scott's New Year's wish, here's to 2010!

A Crossroads

As most of you know, Matt is being released today and should be back in town tonight. Our plan is to let him stay with us for seven days, using that time to help him get back on his feet, as best as we are able.

Emotions are running pretty high, and they run the gamut: happiness to dread. It's so hard to hope when hopes have been dashed so many times. I was talking to someone yesterday, trying to explain how I felt. I miss the funny, playful Matt of about third or fourth grade. He has the capability to love, he showed it then. I'm so sorry for the turn his life has taken. We tried so hard to guide him in the right direction, but couldn't save him from his own decisions.

I guess it's safe to put my wish out there among you, those whom I love and who love me best: my Christmas wish for Matt is to find a peaceful, productive life, surrounded by his family. He says he's changed and I hope he has, especially for his sake. So the next few days are a crossroads for him and for us. He can do the work he needs to do to achieve the life he says he wants. Or he won't. Send prayers and good thoughts our way.

No Complaints

The last few days have felt like something's different - either our stars are in alignment or there are a raft of guardian angels gracing the house, because the word to describe the last couple of days is "content." The Halloween hubbub is over, the candy is almost gone, we're on a relatively normal schedule, and everyone's pitching in to make the load lighter. So I have to give thanks and remember that life isn't like this very often.

I love you all and hope you can have days like this too.

Homesick

It all started this morning as I risked being late to work by finishing Shannon, by Frank Delaney. Irish friends are not fond of him as an author - he "talks too much." But in this book and one of his other books, Ireland, he manages to give words to the feelings I have about Ireland. There is a scent in the breeze and a sound of soft wind and rain that makes me feel more at home there every time I visit. Anyway, in many ways I was reluctant to finish the book because it felt like I was closing the door on a special place in my heart.

And then on the ride to work I listened to a CD that only made the feeling stronger. It was the first Celtic Woman CD, not one that I usually warm too. But there's a whistle/fiddle piece near the end that lightened my heart and made me yearn for dark pubs and good music.

And that's why you get a picture of the Brazen Head, reportedly the oldest pub in Dublin. We never expected it to be anything but touristy, and it is that, but still with the feeling that it's a local. The music was wonderful and the atmosphere magical. Wish we could all be there together.

Is It Fall Yet?

The Halloween decorations are up. There are pumpkins everywhere. We're watching baseball playoffs. This all says it must be fall.

So why is it still so hot? I want to wear cardigans and clothes with sleeves to work. I want it to be cold at night. I guess at the moment I just want to live in Washington or Ohio!!

Family Dinner

Tonight was one of those nights that will be a watershed night for us - we had a family dinner. No filling plates at the counter and sitting down piecemeal to eat. The table was set. The food was placed on the table. Everyone was served and we all finished at the same time. Not a big deal, you say? Well, it is in this house. We've been hoping for it. We've been working toward it. We've had to argue with Rosanne who thinks the whole thing is too much trouble. We did it. And we had a nice dinner. And the kids ate; Christian even had seconds. I had to make sure I would remember this moment in years to come. Just in case it was because of the food, I'll include the link (Denny will want it). So celebrate with us; we're almost a normal family!

http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2007/06/the_best_lasagn/

P.S. I don't know that this is the world's best lasagna; it's not Mom's. But it's easy and it's good.

Controlled Chaos

It was so nice to get away, and so nice to be home again. But right now it feels like we're in a state of chaos - controlled chaos, but chaos nonetheless. Nothing awful, just needed to put the words down somewhere. The biggest challenge is setting up household "routines," which we've pretty much managed without, I guess. AGHHH! It will be fine; it will be fine. (Laughing here, honest!)

Memories of Washington

What a wonderful trip, and thank you to all of those in Washington who made us welcome. Only when I got home did I realize that I didn't have the camera out for some of the best moments (I got at least one of them, as you can see). Not one single picture of my brothers or Denny. Don't count on me to be the family chronicler!

More than many of our other trips to Seattle, this one was about connecting and reconnecting in a big way. Among the things I'll remember are:

• James playing soccer
• Allie making me feel like she wanted to spend time with me, even though she's 13
• Meeting Denny again and spending a lot of time just chatting
• Shedding some tears and then some laughter with my brothers over days gone by
• Listening to Mike and Scott play guitar, even if it was for only one evening
• Riding the ferry with Gil, Jenny and James
• Listening to James complain that he wanted to go home, until we reached Fort Casey and he decided he couldn't possibly leave yet
• Lunch with Mike and Scott in the Pike Place Market, looking out over the Sound
• Getting to know more about Denny and finding out we really are kindred spirits
• "Theme Day Meals" - Mexican day, Hamburger day, Grease day (my innards are still protesting)

I'm sure there are many more memories that will pop up as the days go by, but the sense I came home with is that my family's pretty special. I hope we can do it all again soon. Hope the rest of you loved it too.

Knitting Update

There just hasn't been much that's blog-worthy going on around here. My biggest accomplishment is the new sweater I just finished for Mackenzie. Lots of fun and not too hard. I had to hurry once I figured out it's not going to fit for very long!

Looking forward to being in Seattle in a week or so!

Uncle Larry

It is unbelievably sad and just unimaginable that our Uncle Larry was killed. The physical distance between us adds a kind of buffer; my sad thoughts can't possibly compare with the deep stabbing pain his family is feeling. We hadn't seen each other since my grandmother died, but his weekly checking in emails were always a joy and did so much to help us hold onto the love we had for each other. As my youngest uncle, he was the one who seemed the most playful, the one that understood us best and was so great at being a kid, even when he was in his sixties. I hope that there is something I can say to make his wife and sons as well as his brothers and sisters, know how much I loved and admired him.

Solvang Report

Nothing witty to write about this time; just a report on our weekend in Solvang. I can't even share personal pictures because our camera decided to poop out on us. [I've snagged a couple of pictures off the Internet, just for effect.] But we did have a nice weekend with a few little adventures.

For those who have experienced Solvang, much of it has not changed. Food is the same - Danish sausages, meatballs, pastries and cookies. We ate at The Little Mermaid to fulfill one of Rosanne's childhood desires and the food was pretty darn good. The main shops are the same so we didn't find a lot that we had to buy. The kids got to experience the grab-all-kinds-of-candy-out-of-barrels-and-pay-too-much-for-it-store. And we hit every toy store in town. What has changed is the number of wine tasting locations in town; I'd estimate 15 to 20. The atmosphere is definitely more "wine country," which makes sense as the vineyards are proliferating.

We spent the night in Santa Maria, which worked out fine. We had hoped to see the Petersons while we were up there, but they'd gone north to help Jeff and his wife move. We did not look up any Halsne relatives; my bad. The drive up there was nice and it was good to be out of the hubbub of Solvang itself.

Sunday morning we ate at the hotel and then headed to Lompoc to see the Mission La Purisima. We hadn't been there in a long time; it was the mission we liked to visit best because it was still pretty unrestored. It's much different now, but is still far enough away from everything that it felt "real." All three kids enjoyed the farm animals - sheep, pigs, donkeys, horses, turkeys, chickens and a bull - and the little ones had a chance to really run around for a while.

We then headed back to Solvang for lunch before the return trip. Eating is our favorite Solvang activity. On Saturday we'd eaten Danish meatballs - wonderful and not at all like Swedish meatballs. Sunday it was sausages - bratwurst and knockwurst. It all came with red cabbage and satisfactory amounts of potatoes. I bought a loaf of limpa bread, thinking it was the bread we always had in smorgasbords, but it's more like rye. Any ideas about what bread I was looking for? All in all, we had a good time. Our drive home took six hours, so that part wasn't so pleasant.

The lesson we learned from this trip: the kids are pretty decent travelers, but next time we'll aim for a shorter drive.

In Praise of Patsy's

There are times when all you need is your Irish pub. Last night was one of those times. So we headed to Patys' Irish Pub in Laguna Niguel. Was it perfect? Almost. The service was very slow - the Irish are never in a hurry. I think the man who served us is the same man in the picture above, albeit a little older. He brought the little kids Shirley Temples and turned one of the tvs to the Cartoon Network. Jim and I each ordered a Guinness, and at about the time Jim was getting ready to reorder, our friend placed another full glass in front of him saying, "This was a mistake, so you should drink it." I came home feeling satisfied; I couldn't make it to Ireland but this helped a lot. The kids got squirmy and no one cared but their mom. The ladies sitting next to us smiled at the kids from time to time. And when we were finally able to pay the bill (no charge for Jim's second Guinness or the refills on the Shirley Temples), our proprietor complimented us on how well the kiddies behaved. A nice evening, and we'll gladly do it again for anyone who wants to come visit. Hint, hint.

Dad

None of us ever really talks about today, but I think the same thought is there for all of us. We may not have known him as well as we'd have hoped. Our memories of him may not all be rosy. There may be a lot of questions about who he really was and what he was really like. The bottom line, though, is that we love him. At this moment I'm shedding the tears that I pretty much keep at bay every time I think of him. I believe that the best parts of him live in each of his children. There are parts of myself that I like to tell myself are my connections to Dad.

James Patterson

Has anyone else noticed that many of James Patterson's new books are co-authored? What gives with that?

You Gotta Read.....!

I just finished "The Burnt House" by Faye Kellerman. I read many of her books a few years ago, then stopped reading the series. I'm going back to read them and I think you all should read them too. I'd start with the first in the series, "The Ritual Bath." Back to reading --too many books, too little time.

The Playhouse

This playhouse has been one of the happiest parts of our summer. See those two little kids inside? They don't care if the construction work is done, this place is THEIRS! It has been wonderful watching them play construction worker and house in the afternoons and evenings. Kenzie has brought her vacuum cleaner out to clean. They sit in the window and look at what's going on next door. Christian begs to sleep in it. It has given them lots of opportunities to spend time with Jim - he is infinitely patient with teaching them to hammer nails and to hold wood while he saws. I can't wait to see it finished.

I'm probably breaking all sorts of protocol here, but I got an email from Janet Dugan today which she had received from a friend whose cousin just got back from a trip to Ireland. It made me soooo homesick and I thought you all would enjoy it. So, thank you, Randy, whoever you are. And now the rest of you have to believe our leprechaun story!!

...all my planes remained in the air, coming down only when they were supposed to; the Guinness ran fair and plentiful but didn't cause me to make too much a fool of /'meself/'; I fell in love with Ireland... as well as with several Irish lasses, none of whom...sadly... asked me to remain behind; I found they do actually eat Irish Stew and Shepard's Pie and that each taste much better in Eire-land...accompanied by a pint of Guinness; and it surprised me that there was a real castle 'round nearly every corner and that there was a pub [or two] on every corner!

The countryside is even more beautiful than the glimpses one gets of it in books and movies... the word that comes to mind is 'sweet' and when combined with Ireland's turbulant history, it brings a tightness to ones chest and throat as well as tears to the eyes. There's less than 5 million people on the entire isle... fewer than reside in the greater Houston area... and in spite of their recession, failing economy, and near half million unemployed [Gee, thank you, Michael for closing down the Dell offices in Dublin], I haven't met a more up-beat and future-looking people anywhere.

My guided day-trip to [London]Derry in Northern Ireland brought well home their 'troubles' and a better historical understanding of just what it is all about... along with where the feelings lie today... there's still unrest even though progress has been made and is being made, but I'm not sure anyone sees a real end to it all, though an "end" through a joint interest in improving the economy is being realized right now. But their basic differences today remain and lie well beyond simply religion. To say it's only about religion would be the same as saying that our civil war was only about slavery.

Oh, and it does seem to be true that a flair for music must run in every Irishman's veins, for I heard music everywhere and coming from the most unlikely of people. Sure, and didn't I kiss the Blarney stone? Well, of course, I did! 100 steps to the top of Blarney castle [built in 1210 a.d.] winding my way up and through a narrow solid-stone stairway [claustrophobic tunnel actually!] to the top battlement of the main tower only to be lowered backwards down to kiss the stone... which they do not wipe clean between 'kissers'!! But I had to do it.

And, once, just outside a pub door, I think I caught a glimpse of, from the corner of me eye, a wee little cobbler-fellow dressed in a suit of green with a red vest, wide belt, and pointed shoes, but I'm not for sure for they say there really are no Leprechauns in Ireland and that it's the Guinness that may have overtaken me eyesight... well, I know what I saw, so that's my story and I'm a-stickin' to it! :)

I recommend a trip to Ireland for anyone. Well worth the time and expense and if you have antecedents from there, well, so much the better, for it will add a personal dimension to your trip that will cause the isle to really reach out and grab your heartstrings.

Three Alarm Thursday

So another peaceful day at the library. Not. We had a balloon program this morning, meaning hundreds of kids and moms (maybe a slight exaggeration). We had summer reading, meanind more kids and moms. And then we had a construction worker who cut into the wires for the fire alarm. Alarm goes off. We evacuate people. We try to figure out why the fire department isn't there (we do already know there's no fire). We try to figure out how to turn the alarm off. I talk to the alarm company, who won't tell me how to do anything because I don't have the password (which turns out to be "Clemente"). And then thankfully it turns itself off. This was all in the first hour of the morning. Got us all moving and laughing. It happened twice more, but the construction worker ran in and got it turned off before we could get there.

People are so strange, though. It just wasn't real to most of them. I don't understand the elderly couple who come in every morning and race everyone else to the newspapers so they can read them first and don't think they need to leave the building when the alarm is blaring. I don't understand people who don't want to leave their computer sessions just because the alarm is blaring. They all didn't know there wasn't a fire. Oh, well. Made the day interesting.

Nothing else really going on. James had his tonsils and adenoids removed today, also his ears drained, I think. Jennie says he's whiny, but okay. Wants real food and is cuddling with his dad. Hope you all had a good day.

Ahh, Mondays & Michael Jackson

Yesterday was Monday, and turned out to be a very peaceful day. My work schedule has changed so that I don't go in until 1:00. That gives me the morning to catch up on what's left over from Sunday - the company dishes, the trash to get ready for Tuesday, the last minute laundry. And I take an hour or two to read, knit, something quiet. This week I needed the quiet. After 10 days of company and a major holiday, I was tired. So yesterday I sat in the backyard under the gazebo, knitting and listening to my Ipod. Nearly a perfect morning.

Today has been only slightly more productive. Much to my shame, I found myself caught up in the Michael Jackson circus taking place today. It started when I was listening to KFI on the radio on my way to Target. Bill Handel is really good at poking sarcastic fun and I thoroughly enjoyed listening to his description of what was going on. By the time I got home I had to see the gold-plated coffin and the crowds that had to be coaxed in off the street for myself. I wonder if all of this was really necessary. I think it would have been more dignified if the family had just had a quiet family/friend service rather than carting that poor man's body around the city of Los Angeles. Did the fans really need this? I don't think so - they just wanted to be part of the circus, the last performance. I can't say I had a lot of regard for Michael Jackson, but the media attention hasn't done anything to improve my opinion of him. The one celebrity that did "speak to me" was Brooke Shields, talking about how the two of them exchanged stories and formed a bond over being child stars together. Was it that childhood stardom that sowed the seeds of perversity and tragic unhappiness in Michael Jackson? From the looks of it, I'd say his family is still doing it to him.

Book Review - The Walking People

An outstanding book about three young people who emigrate in Ireland, I don't remember whether it was in the 1950s or 1960s. Mike and Scott, not so sure you'll like it. Mom, maybe you will. Denny, I think you should try it. Author is Mary Beth Keane.

Happy Fourth of July

It's been so long since I've been on here - plenty of excuses, but mostly because I just haven't had the time. We had a wonderful ten days with the Seattle family; ups and downs, of course, but in the end it was good to be with them and we'll miss them terribly.

Our July 4th was great - a little time to pull the house in order, some time to unwind, and then to Great Grandma's for fireworks. The little guys have missed going up there so much. And we haven't had "street" fireworks in years. Christian loved every minute of it; Mackenzie had had enough pretty quickly. She made us cover her ears for her the whole time and I finally just took her into the house to watch tv with Great Grandpa. But it was great, and it made me miss the old days of sitting in the street for fireworks. Nothing will ever be so simple again, but then I guess it was simple for us because we only had the fun, not the work.

I'll be back to blogging soon.

Morning Chuckle

There is an apple tree in our backyard. It's not very old and it's not very big. We generally get about six apples a year, and frankly, they aren't very good. But it is a great temptation to little ones, especially since the apples are so low to the ground. There has been a constant litany this spring - don't pick the apples until Grandma or Grandpa says it's okay. Well, they didn't pick the apples. As I was sitting on the patio drinking coffee this mornig, something in the apple tree looked a little odd. I went over to look, and sure enough, someone had been eating apples. But they didn't take them off the tree! See, that's progress!!

Stop and Smell the Roses (or Hydrangeas, as the Case May Be)

One of the original intents in my blogging was to have a place for clearing my head once in a while. I guess you can guess that my head hasn't been too clear lately. It is very tempting to blame one of my forebears for the nasty, self-pitying side of my temperament, but I think I have to own it all myself. All too often I let myself dwell on the difficulties in my life, but if I've learned anything in the last few months, it's that many people have it much more difficult than I.

This last weekend was great, weather-wise, and it was the perfect opportunity to drag the kids outdoors and get some major work done in the yard. We cleaned the hill, we planted roses and strawberries, and one of us stopped to enjoy the flowers! Life wasn't perfect, but we found plenty of opportunity to laugh, play, and appreciate the time we had together. So my goal is to pull myself out of the pity party a little more often, just in case I miss something really fun.

Thank You Ed

I've never found the perfect words to tell Ed thanks for being our "second dad." He'll never admit to being that, but in my eyes, he is. He would never think of replacing "Dad" in our hearts and lives; that was never his intention. After all, we were pretty much adults when he became a permanent fixture. But he's always shown concern for us, love for us, and respect for us. He has offered and given us advice and help, sometimes with the stern words a dad has to use with his kids. He has stood by and watched us make mistakes but never made us feel like we weren't welcome or were too much trouble. He's been a loving companion to our mother, making a home with her and enjoying life together when they could.

We love you, Ed, and I for one can't imagine what life would be like without you. I hope your birthday was wonderful.

News Story From the Past

This week I was digging through dusty boxes of family detritus and came up with something I hadn't seen before - a news article about Dad testifying for the Senate Rackets Committee. I'd heard a little about this from Mom, but the article made the whole story come alive.

The article's pretty yellowed and fragile, so I thought I'd just duplicate it here for you guys to read, if you're interested. There's no date on the article. Hopefully, I'm not breaking any copyright laws.

Frozen-Pie Worker Testifies on Freeze
A frozen-pie plant worker told the Senate Rackets Committee today that Nathan W. Shefferman's labor-relations firm helped freeze one union out of a food factory and then helped another get a "very poor contract."

The witness, Gary Long, testified that the Morton Packing Co. secretly ordered him to form a "spontaneous" committee of workers to prevent the CIO United Packinghouse Workers from organizing its Webster City, Iowa, plant in 1955.

But later, he said, the company cooperated with the Bakery Workers Union in recruiting members and signing a three-year contract which gave a raise of only five cents an hour.

A Packinghouse Workers official said his union wanted rasies of 2 to 46 cents an hour for the Morton workers.

Cooperation
Mr. Long said one employee of Sherman's firm, Labor Relations Associates, worked with him to fight the Packinghouse Workers and another later signed up members for the bakery workers.

Before Mr. Long testified, attorneys for the frozen-food firm - now a division of Continental Baking Co. - tried to put the case on ice, claiming the testimony would prejudice their defense against National Labor Relations Board charges filed against the firm by the Packinghouse Workers.

The committee refused. Chairman John L. McClellan (D., Ark.) said the group tried not to interfere with criminal trials but could not defer its work for the outcome of a civil action.

Beginning
The Morton case was the opening gun in an investigation of Mr. Shefferman, 70-year-old Chicago labor relations counselor to some 300 firms across the nation.

Sen. McClellan said, Mr. Shefferman's firm was "apparently dedicated to the proposition that no employer need deal with a labor union unfriendly to their interests."

The chairman said the Taft-Harley Act put restrictions on management as well as labor, and the committee would investigate whether there has been "a deliberate and calculated effort to circumvent and defeat these provisions on behalf of management." (UP)

byline: Washington's sprightliest society columnist - Evelyn Peyton Gordon in The News.

One of My Favorite Blogs

http://celticmemoryyarns.blogspot.com/2009/05/old-roads-and-new-life.html



I hope so much that this link works. I've been pretty "homesick" for Ireland lately, and this lady's writing can feed my soul. Feel free to skip the parts about knitting.

Another Movie Review

Okay, not much going on around here, so I'll talk about another movie. Seems to be a good way to get some convervation going.

Sunday night we watched "Frost/Nixon." I wasn't sure what to expect really, but I found it fascinating. I would say our family is not traditionally impressed with Richard Nixon; I remember Grandpa Long being very vocal about him. The Watergate incident has always been fascinating to me - the twists and turns, the secrecy, the apparent inability of Nixon to be honest and to recognize when it was time to give up the pretence. I have watched "All the President's Men" again and again, always finding something new in it.

I had no background on the Frost/Nixon interviews. I remembered David Frost as a tv personality, but didn't really get that he wasn't a serious newsman, so that part of the story was interesting. But I really appreciated the portrayal of Nixon's personality. Much of what I saw supported by gut instinct about the man, but there were a couple of surprises, too, and the unfolding of the story was interesting to watch.

Doldrums, The Reader

Okay, guys; I've hit a rough spot here. Nothing drastic, nothing unusual, I just can't seem to get out of my rut. And I like writing on here. So ask me a question, give me a nudge. Help me out please.

Stayed up last night to watch "The Reader." Seems like there's been a run of holocaust movies lately, most of which I haven't watched. (I'm probably overstating, but there was at least ONE more.) Has anyone else seen this one? There were a couple of character issues I didn't get and would like explained. Consider it a challenge.

Book Site

Not much to blog about here - my brain is just not engaged. But I will pass on info about a web site that was sent to me at work:

http://www.goodreads.com/

If you haven't seen it before, it's a site where you can list books you've read, want to read, want to forget, etc. There's book recommendation capabilities, networking stuff; in many ways it's like Librarything (http://www.librarything.com/), just a little newer. I signed up to try it out and I think it will be fun. If my house can't be organized, at least my reading list will be. And I think I'll go back to Librarything, too; they have a couple of programs where you can get free books to review.

Old TV Shows

What is with our fascination with old tv shows? I know, our obsession with "Dark Shadows" is getting a little weird, but it is providing a lot of laughs. I had to call Scott this morning to complain that that Victoria Winters is a gossip and can't be trusted to keep her mouth shut about anything! I'd fire her butt!

But "Dark Shadows" hasn't been my only foray into television history. We watched the entire first four seasons of "The Sopranos" on dvd, and we faithfully watched all of "Ballykissangel" through Netflix. I tried to watch "Leave It to Beaver," but somehow it didn't live up to the memories.

What tv shows would you like to watch ad infinitum? Which ones have you watched, and with what success? "Fess up, you guys.

Our Gift

Tomorrow is Jennie's birthday. We're not in great financial shape this year, so presents will have to wait a little while. (I promise, Jen, that we'll make it up to you). But I can't let the day go unnoticed. Jennie was the first "in-law" added to our family, and she is one of the greatest gifts we could ever have received. We couldn't love her more if she were our own. She's bright, beautiful, loving, caring, and she's a great wife and mom. She and Gil are the best set of parents we've ever seen in operation. And she's brought so much joy to our lives - she makes us feel loved and appreciated, and we know she loves and takes good care of our son. Her children are blessings to us all and an honor to their parents.

So Jennie, have a wonderful day, and I hope you know how much you are loved.

Country Music

Where have the country music stations gone. Most of the time I prefer to drive in silence, but when the day is fresh and the sun is bright, there's something that just makes you want to sing along to some country music! I can't rely on my cd player (or more likely my cd's are so old that they skip) and I can find everything on the radio from classical to Mexican favorites. But only one country station and the reception is terrible! Gosh life is tough!

Wrapping Up the Week

Not much on my mind this week. I "didn't finish" two books, giving them both up as useless. I watched "The Secret Life of Bees," reminding myself that I never remember the plots of books I read and seldom "get" the message. I cleaned one cupboard and got thoroughly bored with the whole idea so didn't clean any more. I spent one evening in front of the chimenea with Jim and the neighbors. Life has been okay.

My mind has been troubled about Matt. There is so much guilt wrapped up in the feelings I have about him. I know my loving family will all respond by saying we've done the best we could, but the wall I've built around my heart to keep myself safe from him seems like a pretty ugly thing and is sometimes hard to live with. So prayers are requested and I'll leave the subject there.

Now, off to dinner!

March Pleasures

March is almost over and we still can't be sure spring is here. Saturday was hot and toasty; yesterday afternoon we had a fire to get the chill out of the family room. But spring is sure to come. Pictured above is my lilac bush. Our plant isn't as magnificent as those at the nursery, but it's coming along. Every morning I go out to visit.

This picture is probably harder to figure out. Mackenzie has been decorating the patio with heart stickers. Hearts on the gate to my friend's yard are quite appropriate.

Silly stuff, I know, but it has made my heart lighter.

Enjoy the rest of March, you guys.

Thirty-Eight Years and Counting

I am tempted to say, "I really wanted a much better picture than this," but in many ways this is one of the most familiar and endearing sides of my husband, so the photo stands. Thirty-eight years ago today I married Jim, and I have not regretted it for a single instant. He is always kind; he is always generous. He always treats me as if I am the most important thing in his world. He faces the day-to-day challenges of this household calmly (mostly) and I think he always believes that happy times are just around the corner. I hope we have another thirty-eight years ahead of us. Whatever we have, I know it will be wonderful. His children love him, his grandchildren love him, and I will always love him.

What's Important

Life has been pretty hectic for the last couple of weeks - I fell behind while Scott was here, wanting to spend as much time with him as I possibly could - and for some reason I just haven't been able to get back on track. But I realized tonight that it's because I was trying to get the wrong part of my life "back on track." I've been stressing over the house, work, Jim's job, keeping the kids clean and neat. What I forgot to enjoy was the living. I wouldn't trade one hour that we had with Scott. I wish we were able to spend more time with Mom and Ed. The best part of today was going to the nursery with my friend Judie for a new tomato plant. That stack of books I blogged about contains one that is really grabbing my interest. Sitting and drinking a glass of wine with friends was so relaxing when I "should" have been fixing dinner for the family. The family fared just fine without my help and I got to enjoy a spring evening outdoors.

Life will be as hectic as you allow it to be, and hectic does not always mean stressful. I wouldn't give up helping put the kids to bed for anything. On Monday nights, I'm really tired and grouchy. I don't want to make Christian brush his teeth, but it sure warms my heart when he wants me to put him to bed. It won't always be so.

So despite my complaints, my life is much as I want it to be, I guess. We aren't at the place where we can comfortably go away for a weekend, but we can push a little harder to get away for little bits of time. And then to come back, to where we are needed and loved.

Sorry if this is a little sappy; probably the wine talking.

I'll Be Back

Now I'm feeling guilty for not blogging. I'll be back!!

TBR

Do you see this really scary pile? This is the reason why I should not be blogging, I should not be knitting, I should not be watching television. This is my "To Be Read" pile and I should not be doing anything except reading. The really scary part is that these are all library books and I've gotten myself in an even bigger mess than usual. Included in the pile are The President's House by Margaret Truman; Coventry by Helen Humphreys; The Spirit of Dr. Bindelof by Rosemarie Pilkington; All the Colors of Darkness by Peter Robinson. Scott and Mike, I really think you'd like the last two. Anyway, thought I'd share.

Irish Soda Bread

Last night was our annual St. Patrick's Day dinner. We don't give many parties, but this one we always look forward to. The guest list gets a little bigger every year -26 this year including kids. The menu remains essentially the same, although I do try different recipes for the corned beef or the beef and guiness stew. This year I cooked way too much food and spent way too little time talking to my guests, but I loved every minute of it.

This year was the first year I made Irish soda bread for the party. I've made it just for having, but never for the party. My recipe has golden reisins and caraway seeds - a luscious treat, especially with Irish butter and a cup of hot tea. Think I better make some more for Tuesday.

Brothers, Part 2

Well, tomorrow Scott wings his way home, after a full couple of weeks. There's been a lot of laughter and a few tears, but what I will carry from this time is a sense of healing, of being rejoined. I don't think I ever realized how being with my brothers makes me feel - whole. We've been scattered fro quite a while now, and Scott has been the best one in making the effort to get us all together again. Well, I hope we don't let this being apart continue. Jim told me he hasn't seen me laugh or smile so much in a long time; I'm going to make every effort I can to be with you guys as often as I can. I love you.

Happy Birthday, Beck

We love you.

Puddle Jump

There's nothing like a big messy puddle and new rain boots. What a bad grandma I am to encourage such reckless behavior. They got muddy. They got messy. The insides of their boots didn't dry out for days.

But it was so much fun!! Can't wait for another rainy day so we can do it again.

Gregor Demarkian

This is seriously one of my favoriet book series. The detective is an Armenian ex-FBI agent who lives in Philadelphia, and the cast of neighborhood characters is much of the fun. Not A Creature Was Stirring is the first in the series; many of the titles involve major holidays. Some of the older books are out of print, which I think is a shame. Maybe I need to form a Jane Haddam fan club and see if it helps.

Spring's A-Comin'

Yesterday we were promised rain (a promise not fulfilled) and I decided it would be a good time to get some new plants in. So off to the nursery. I came home with pansies for some of the hanging pots and some plants I'd never heard of for the fountain garden. The two new ones are at the front - a lily-of-the-valley shrub and some purple spready stuff in the pot behind the cat crossing sign. I love new plantings.

This & That

There've been no grand ideas for blogging - not much going on in my head that anyone would want to read. I'm not reading as much as usual, knitting has kind of hit a rut, life seems a little dull. I've been thinking I need a few changes - a new hobby, a class, I don't know what yet. We spent the evening sharing wine and "whine" (kid problems are universal) with some neighbors and I realized just how insulated we keep ourselves here. Not a healthy thing, I think, so I'll have to think on it. Today I started a Facebook Page - will it be fun?

It's been great having Scott here to visit. We've shared laughter and tears and I hope it's been as healing for him as it has been for me. Beck will be part of our lives forever and we won't stop missing her. Jim found a picture of her today that I hadn't seen before.

Happy Birthday, Dad

If Dad were still alive, he would have been 78 years old today - exactly twice the age he was when he passed away. With Scott here for a couple of weeks, we've been talking about Dad a lot, some good and some not so good. We all have different memories of him and remember him in different ways, but I know we all wish we knew him better. And so we remember the best of him - the fun, the intelligence, the happy memories. My mom's family loved him so much because he always brought good times and was so good to them. His parents adored him and he was very good to him. His last years were marred by illness, fatigue and pain; our memories of him are affected by that. But some day we will know him in his wholeness. He's still here with us, and some day we will all be together.

Disneyland - Who Needs It?

We really needed to get out of here this weekend, but where to go? The mall - no, shopping wasn't the answer. We needed someplace where the kids could move around and get some energy out there. So we look on the Internet; Legoland was about $45 per adult; Knotts Berry Farm, around the same. Disneyland was going to cost over $300 just to walk in the gate. Not a good option at this point.

Actually, is it a good idea at any point? I've always loved Disneyland and it's never been cheap. But we justified spending the money once or twice a year. And we've had passes when they were about $150; three visits more than paid for it and there was a time when I really needed a place to take the kids when Dad was working out of town. But today's prices are ridiculous. It really bothers me that we'll have to make major plans and save as if we're going on vacation to pay for our family to go again. In these times, how are families managing to do it?

Anyway, we go online to find out about the Santa Ana Zoo. We spent less than $100 for six of us to have lunch out, pay for entrance to the zoo, ride the train and the carousel, and buy souveniers. And as you can see in the pictures, a good time was had by all.

Valentine's Day - A Retrospective

Valentine's Day has never been a huge event at our house (Jim may not entirely agree with that). Mostly, we can take it or leave it, especially in recent years. This year we spent the day with the kids at the zoo and had a pretty good day. But today if felt important that we make it a special day because of what happened two years ago on February 14th.

On this day in 2007 Jim and I were in Dublin, I think on the third day of our trip. Our day started with a tour of St. Patrick's Cathedral and then we visited Marsh's Library. We walked to the Whitefriar Street Carmelite Church where the remains of St. Valentine are enshrined. We hunted down Burdock's Fish and Chips, said to be the best in Dublin and unbeknownst to us, right around the corner from our hotel. After lunch was Merrion Square and the Natural History Museum. At dinner we ate real boxty for the first time, then finished with music and drinks at the Brazen Head Pub (which Mike and Scott both HAVE to experience).

It wasn't until two days later that we found out that while we enjoying our last day in Dublin, our daughter and her children were being thrown out of her house in Nebraska, and friends and family here at home were frantically trying to get them to California. I'm not going to bore you with the details. The reason I couldn't stop thinking about this today is that there is a cold lump of hatred in my heart that bursts into flame every time that man or that day is mentioned or even flits across my mind. I've never felt this for someone before, and it's not a feeling I'm proud of. But I'm not letting it go, either. No one deserves to be treated the way they were.

So spending today with family in the sunshine and having a good time was a positive thing. There was plenty of love going on there.

Sorry for the rant.

Crazy Night

Well, I think we're all officially down for the count, finally. I've left Christian sound asleep in bed and Jim downstairs getting ready to watch Battlestar Galactica. The day's just been really stressful. Jim and I both have colds - mine hit me about the time I started bragging about having nine days off in a row (which doesn't turn out to be the truth - I'm working Sunday) and Jim's is just starting. Rosanne's had sinus headaches accompanied by the requisite amount of complaining. And the kids are bouncing off the ceiling, for no particular reason. Probably because everyone just wants it quiet. My plan was to watch "Nights In Rodanthe" from Netflix and make it an entire grown up evening, but it made more sense to put in "Mary Poppins" and hope the little guys wanted to watch it. Of course we also had to deal with the cat trying to open the dog food bag, kids wanting snacks, kids wanting juice, a cat knocking over the open bin of dog food trying to get to the new bag of dog food. It was just chaos central, but they're finally asleep. Boring post, I know, but part of the point is to get the tension out there, right?

Do you ever watch that show "Jon & Kate Plus Eight"? I've only watched it once, and they had a family tv night where they all sat down to watch a nature video. Only problem was, Mom kept naming the animals on the show after her kids, so when the lion came out and ate the monkey, all hell broke loose in the tv room. Should have known better.

Chicken Fried Steak

I officially give up. Mike and Scott, you must be right; the perfect chicken fried steak is a figment of my imagination, a deceitful memory from our childhood . I have ruined my last piece of round steak; when recipes with enticing photos such as this one appear on the Internet or in cookbooks, I will recognize them for Photoshopped illusions they are.

But I don't let go of this dream easily. I will probably still be tempted by menus in Midwest diners - after all, they have better meat, right? Don't disillusion me.

LA Car Chase

Last night we turned on the 11:00 news to get an update on the weather. Every news channel was showing the exact same footage - a white Bentley involved in a slow-speed chase. No one knew who was in the car, but everyone was watching this car being pursued by police cars; the chase went on for about three hours, the telecast ended when the car came to a stop and was surrounded by police officers with their guns pulled.

We gave up on the weather and went to sleep. This morning, nothing in the news about what happened. It was important last night, but apparently not this morning. Then I looked the story up on the Internet. The poor man committed suicide, according to the news report because he was losing his business. And of course that isn't newsworthy.

I'm appalled that I was caught up, however unintentionally, in a man's tragedy, really only valued as entertainment. I will never allow myself to watch such a spectacle again. That poor man, dealing with his fear and misery under the watchful eyes of probably tens of thousands of people.

Irish Skies

It has to be said that one of my favorite things about Ireland is the weather. We've enjoyed many sunny days there, but my mind's eye always see Ireland under gray, cloudy skies. And when I wake up at home to clouds and rain, I'm immediately more content with my world. Rainy days hold the promise of great accomplishments and quiet activities; glowing fires and numerous cups of tea; puddles and the sound of the wind in the trees.

We never let the weather stop us when we're in Ireland; during one trip we spent a day driving in gale force winds just because it didn't occur to us to stop. I always look damp and windswept in our vacation pictures - and it isn't always just because I have crazy hair. Why worry about getting damp when there's sure to be a cozy tea room or pub to warm up in. You can always find a spot by a warm fire and usually someone to chat with. And rainy weather has brought us many glorious rainbows in Ireland. Once we were at the top of a small hill in the West of Ireland and suddenly found ourselves fully encircled by a rainbow. All we could do was to stop the car, get out and revel in the experience. One of our truly magical moments.

As we feared, it rained yesterday, and the guys were in danger of missing their drag races. But the sun was out long enough for them to hold some of the races and they had a good time. We played indoors with the little kids, ate home-made potato soup, then went in quest of rain boots, which we did not find. But we found some online and we'll be better prepared for the next rainy day.

Rainy Night

There hasn't been a bloggable thought in my head for the last few days. Went to work. Did some reading, although not anything worth reporting. Started my second sock four times and almost gave up altogether. Have nearly finished the sleeves on a sweater I started last summer.

Tonight we're listening to the rain that's been promised in the last few days. I always love rain, but I'm afraid this rain means Jim won't be able to go to the drag races tomorrow. Nevertheless, the lawns and the plants are getting a good soaking. My lilac and forsythia bushes are starting to bud and there are new leaves on the apple tree. Maybe the rain will bypass Pomona and they'll be able to go after all.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Happy birthday to me, and I wouldn't be sorry if they stopped now. It's definitely time to stop counting!!

And I finished a sock! And it fits! Since I don't have my camera, I'll take a picture when they're both done!

To My Grandmother

This morning we had bacon and aebleskiver for breakfast. My aebleskiver pan was inherited from my father's mother, Serena. I don't remember that she ever used it, but it was lurking in the back of one of her cupboards, just begging to be set free. I scrubbed it, used it once a long time ago, and then put it in the dark recesses of one of my own cupboards. Why I was inspired to use it today I can't say, but it was certainly worth the effort. Even the little guys ate those pancake puffs like they were ambrosia.

I have not always been fair to my grandmother. She has been gone some years now, so maybe memory has softened some of the rough edges. She was a determined lady and was pretty good at getting people to do what she wanted them to do. Unlike my mother's mother, she wasn't good at giving hugs and generally making a child feel loved. But she did love us, and now I can see the ways in which she expressed it. The signs were there but being kids, we didn't always recognize them. Like most people, I suppose she was shaped by her dreams and desires, and as the oldest of eight children, she probably had to make those things happen for herself. She was a fighter. She put herself through school to become an RN. In a time when diabetes was a killing disease, she managed to live well into old age. When her only child died as a young man, she dealt with her grief and didn't let it rule her. She lived on her own until the very end of her life and stayed active with her church, family and friends.

Many things were important to her. Her family. Her Norwegian heritage. Her faith. And although we didn't always appreciate the way she shared these things with us, her sharing was a way of showing her love. And today I felt love as I celebrated my Norwegian family ties with as much joy as I do my Irish ties. I think I'll be making aebleskiver more often.

This 'n That

There's no real point to this post today. Just some odds and ends that have been floating around in my head. First, a short book review of Deadly Gift by Heather Graham. I've read a couple of her books before; they're light reads and usuallly have a slight tinge of the supernatural. This one didn't grab my interest right away, so I skipped to the last chapter to get a sense of what was going to happen (a bad habit of mine). Well the protagonist was a banshee. According to the book, banshees are ghosts who come to someone (of Irish descent, or course) to help them ease into death. They can also be "assigned" to help prevent an early, unscheduled death. Well that sent me back to the beginning of the book and although the mystery wasn't too deep, I did revel in the daydream of having my Irish forebears waiting for me on the other side and of being whisked away in a black coach upon my death. Of course I saw none of this when I Googled banshee, but I don't care; I choose to believe it.

I have turned the heel on my sock and it's going well. I think it's going to be way too big, but that's okay too. I'll do the second sock and hold them up with rubber bands if I have to. My friend Alicia told me about a new yarn shop in San Clemente so I went to visit on my lunch hour. it's very small and the yarns are expensive, but they have workshops and I think I'll go back to find out about them.

My brother Scott has some time to kill since he broke his wrist and will be off work for a while, so he started back in on his genealogy. I really envy his ability to sniff out all the little details that are near and dear to a genealogist's heart.

Like I said, odds and ends. I've been working tons of extra hours so my brain's a little fried.

The Perfect Pint of Guinness

I will admit that Guinness is an acquired taste, one that I acquired relatively late in life. My first pub visits involved so-so glasses of wine with an occasional wimpy "glass" of Guinness, just to be polite. But as my pub experiences grew, so did my appreciation of the "mother's milk" of Ireland.

One perfect pint was drunk in The Plough, across the street from the Abbey Theatre in Dublin, listening to the crowd sing along to "Song for Ireland."

Another perfect pint was drunk in a restaurant with a group of friends we had just met that day, eating, laughing, and finally becoming silent as one of our party told a story.

The night we went to Matt Malloy's in Westport was also a night of the perfect pint; we sat with a couple down from Derry, Anne Marie and her cousin Tom. We laughed and drank; Anne Marie told our fortunes. When we followed them out the door at the end of that evening, they had disappeared just as good leprechauns should do.

A rainy night in Ballyvaughan saw our family in O'Neill's, waiting for our friends Ron and Lisa to arrive. Our Becky started chatting up the locals, making the rounds with her digital camera. The pictures from that night are filled with laughter, delight and love.

The perfect pint might come from a bottle on a hot afternoon or from a tap in our own "local," but the truth is, what makes it perfect is the place and people surrounding it.

Irish Memories

By no stretch of the imagination could you call me a true world traveler. Since my first trip to Ireland in 2000, my only overseas destination has been the Emerald Isle (and I've made four more visits). There are other places I'd like to visit, but I'm more likely to get there if Dublin or Shannon Airport is a stop on the itinerary. I have often said that it is only in Ireland that I feel like my real self.

The other day, I was talking to a patron in the library who read two books on my recommendation: Round Ireland With a Fridge (Tony Hawks) and Pint-Sized Ireland (Evan McHugh). Her comment was that she found the first one funny, but wasn't too sure about the second; it seemed like they were so much alike. This caused me to think about why I liked them both so much. The bottom line was that each spoke to me by evoking memories of a different kind. The first book reminded me of our encounters with people in Ireland. Just as the author found that news of his journey traveled ahead of him. It seemed that everywhere he turned, there were people who were enjoying the novelty of his challenge and were eager to help him along, be a part of it.

Two memories that come to my mind come from two separate trips. During our first trip, we went to the town from which my forebears came (Castlelyons, County Cork). In the middle of the town were the remains of a castle, but no matter how we tried, we couldn't find a way to get near it. At last we went to the office of a truck repair yard adjacent to the castle - we could see a gate from their yard into the field where we wanted to go. Well, the men in the office were immediately intrigued - of course we could go through (but why did we want to?). We had famiy nearby? Out came the phone book to see if we recognized any names, they gave us directions to the "old" cemetery. These people could not have been more interested or forthcoming with advice. It was a very satisfying acceptance.

The second memory is of the beginning of a very special friendship. On our second trip, Jim sent out a general e-mail to his Sprite/Bugeye group on the Internet outlining our plans to be in Ireland. One of his Internet "buddies" got in touch and arranged to meet us one night for dinner. Ron and his family drove half the length of the country to meet us that night; they arranged a B&B for us, then entertained us with dinner and a visit to a nearby pub, owned by family. It was one of the most wonderful evenings we've ever had, arranged by almost complete strangers. Our friendship with Ron continues and it all started because he put himself out to make us feel welcome.

It didn't surprise me at all to read about complete strangers going out of their way to help Tony Hawks - the strange guy who traveled Ireland accompanied by a refrigerator; I'd say it was right up their alley and I wouldn't have expected any less.

I'll write later about the perfect pint of Guinness.

Inauguration Day, Red Sock

I have thoroughly enjoyed watching the inauguration festivities today. It was so uplifting to see the hope and renewed pride that was evident in the faces of so many people. Barack Obama has a huge job ahead of him; no man may be capable of succeeding what he must try. But I think he'll give it his best and that the atmosphere of change that surrounds him will be a great boost to our country.

And now on to the important stuff - I've knitted about three inches on my first sock. If I hadn't left the camera at Mom's, I'd post a picture just to remind myself of the euphoria I'm feeling over this sock. I'm knitting on size 8 needles and the yarn is a red Wool-Ease with flecks of color, kind of tweedy. I hope I can do this; I'm sure enjoying the trying!

Book Review - The Private Patient

I always look forward to a new P.D. James book, and I wasn't disappointed with this one. The story was wonderfully complex, the characters beautifully delineated, the conclusion satisfactory. Thinking about the evolution of this series, however, it seems like the reader is less privy to the character of Dalgliesh as more and more of the investigations are done by his subordinates. I suppose it's a natural progression, but I like Dalgliesh so much and I miss him.

Future Teacher of America

Mackenzie has been making quite a mess in the family room over the last few days, and yesterday I finally had the time to watch was she was doing. As evident in the picture, she's reading to her students. I really got the message when she noticed that I was reading and told me that she "wanted the book closed." It was time for me to pay attention.
Mackenzie has grown up so quickly in the last few months. I guess being almost three and going to preschool will do it. She has such a strong, independent personality; it's often very amusing to just sit back and watcher her interact with her world.

Book Review

I'm Looking Through You by Jennifer Finney Boylan

I found this book when I was looking for books about hauntings. When I read the dust cover, I wasn't sure - it's a memoir by a woman who once was a man, and the man lived in the haunted house from the time he was a boy. I found it

was really interesting. The book moves back in forth from the past to the present, in many cases describing the same event from both perspectives. The transsexual theme was present throughout, but was presented in such a way as the reader felt comfortable with the author in either case.

Brothers

The sad events of the last month+ have caused me to think a lot about my family. Particularly about the family into which I was born. Particularly about the brothers with which I was blessed (or cursed). The three of us experienced various degrees of closeness while we grew up. Poor Scott came along seven years after Mike and I had "bonded," and we didn't make it easy for him to catch up. We have created and shared family jokes. I think we all have a fondness for old family traditions. Mike and Scott share a passion for music and a talent for playing it. Scott has become the family storyteller, and he does it with such wit and accuracy that the rest of us can never argue about how it really was. I fear that I am the "manager" in the crowd, always the bossy big sister.

Now we have now been scattered nearly across the United States, so our times together are few and far between. We exchange weekly e-mails to let each other know what's going on. We exchange cards at birthdays and presents at Christmas. Four years ago we shared (along with our mom and spouses) a magical vacation. And now we share sorrow at the loss of Scott's beloved.

When times have been tough in my own household, both brothers have called or emailed to give me a chance to share. They both start their phone calls the same way: Hey, Kath. How's it going? And they really want to know.

Scott, we love you and will be here to shoulder whatever we can.

Our Beloved Becky

Our Becky has gone to be with the Lord. I have never known another with such a capacity for joy. She was the light of my brother's life and will be sorely missed by all. Our only comfort is in knowing that she waits for us.

I pray for God's comfort for my brother and the rest of Becky's family.

Icicles

I wish my digital camera was working, because I'd love to include a picture of our fountain this morning. The water in the bottom basin had frozen into a little icy pond and there were icicles hanging from the upper bowl. Here in Southern California. It was enough of an event that Jim called me out of bed to see it. The temperature in the backyard (according to John Deere) was 23 degrees at 7:30 a.m.

It was back to work today. Mother has gone to Ohio to be with my brother. Her email says my sister-in-law might be slightly better. We'll just keep praying.

With my Christmas knitting completed, I've started a baby sweater done in a basketweave pattern (a free pattern from the Internet). I'm using a bright yellow yarn from the stash my mother passed on to me. It's a Bernat yarn from many years ago. It's acrylic, but it's soft, pretty and free. I still have the sleeves to finish on my Minimalist Cardigan, but they're about a third of the way done. I'm knitting them both at the same time with the hope that I'll feel like I'm making quicker progress.

Finished both of my current books and am starting I'm Looking Through You by Jennifer Boylan. Death Walked In was okay, but it seemed to drag to its conclusion. I slipped in another book, Knitting, without even listing it. I liked the way the characters interacted in that one, but there were a couple of points I wanted straightened out: who was the hospital cleaner and who took Maggie's bags? Oh, well.

Sunday

The news about my sister-in-law is not encouraging. My mother is flying to be with my brother as things resolve themselves and I'm helpless here wanting to do so much more.

So we needed to get out of the house. The whole gang went to the swap meet to spend a little money. Came home with "Sham-Wows" and got to try them out on a very dirty outdoor table. We also came home with a bag of kettle corn and the kids got to play on giant slides. Then I trimmed roses while the rest of them played rowdy ball games in the back yard. Lots of running and laughing. All in all, it could have been a much worse day. Tomorrow we're all back to our normal routines, which should make the days easier.

I continue to pray.

Beginnings

I'm ready to put New Year's celebrations behind and begin the new year in earnest. Not that our celebrations weren't fun. New Year's Eve was spent at home with friends and neighbors and New Year's night was spent with enjoying fine wine and good company with friends in Pasadena. But now it's time to move forward.

My sister-in-law has been in the hospital since Christmas night. It's hard to be so far away from my brother as he waits and hopes she'll get better. Two emails a day tell us whether or not there's been any progress and he is becoming discouraged. She is still a young woman and I can't help but feel that every day that she does not get worse brings her closer to being well, and I pray I'm right.

Last night was the first night we were able to stay away from home by ourselves since almost two years ago when Rosanne and her babies came back to us. It wasn't easy to leave, and things didn't go perfectly, but they managed without us and it felt so good to be away. It was a huge step!!

This evening the little ones are finally asleep and I'm going to knit and watch "The Duchess," all by myself. What luxury! Tomorrow begins the purging of household messes that I always feel compelled to start after Christmas. A good way to start the year.

Happy New Year!!

I have pointedly tried to avoid making new year's resolutions over the past few years, but this will be a year of change. There are a lot of factors that make the time ripe, and I firmly believe that with some organization and a tool to keep my thoughts on track, I can turn this into a very productive year.

Circumstances of the last couple of years have left me unbalanced and unfocussed. It's time to remember who I am and what is really important to me. Trying to fill the needs of so many around me has left me empty. I know I have no one but myself to blame, but that means that am also responsible for the changes to be made.

There are so many areas where I could begin, but the most important will be the expression of my faith. My church feels far away. It's too much of an effort for me to get out of the house on Sunday morning. And yet in my heart I'm depending on the Lord's plan and his help in getting me through my days. And so my first resolution is to build that relationship I have with Him, knowing that his hand will make the rest of my changes easier. I can make this change by devoting time for prayer, every day. There are people I need to pray for, every day. And a prayer journal will help a lot, if I can just make myself take time for it. So here it is, my commitment to time spent every day.